| A long time ago – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (write of the Sherlock Holmes novels) . . . was quite a prankster . . . One day he played a prank on 5 of the most influential and prominent men in England . . . All he did was send an anonymous note to these 5 very influential men and it simply said this . . . “All is found out, flee at once” and within 24 hours – All five men had left the country . . . . . .
Today folks we’re talking about secrets . . . those things of the wall . . . that are so secret that they are always left written anonymously . . . secrets are those things that rob us of our confidence and secrets are those things that heve the ability to destroy our relationships . . . and secretes have the power to keep us stuck in the past . . .
I read a report a while ago that said . . . psychiatrists agree that probably 70% of people in the hospital could leave today if they knew how to resolve their past and guilt and secrets . . .
The truth is . . . when I swallow my secrets . . . my stomach keeps score . . . and if I don’t talk it out to god and to others . . .then I take it out on myself . . .
Today . . . we want to begin a process that will help us let go of our pasts and close up those wounds that have such a hold over us . . .
There are lots of different kinds of secrets that we hold onto in our lives . . . In fact most of us have a list of things . . . (that it wouldn’t take to long for us to write out) . . . A list of things that nobody else knows about . . . . . We hold onto secrets that we’ve done in our pasts that we’re not proud of – or actions that we’ve taken that we’re ashamed to admit even to ourselves – let alone someone else . . . . . And you know the list . . . That thing we did when we were 16 . . . that night when you were alone in Vancouver – or that person you can’t look in the eye . . . that deal you made that wasn’t even close to square? . . . .
. . . I remember one I held onto for a long time . . . something that I did when I was 17 (and had some alcohol issues) . . . in Moose Jaw . . .A friend of mine and myself just went on a tare one night . . . and we vandalized a bunch of cars and stole a bunch of stuff and were just so destructive . . . and the next day . . . when I woke up (I was so embarrassed) I hid that secret . . . and kept it hidden from several years . . . . . . because good kids like me . . . who were raised the right way, didn’t do things like that . . . and I was so ashamed of my behavior that night . . . that I hid it . . .
All of us have that list of secrets – ( stuff we’ve done that nobody knows
about) . . . . . . But lots of us have another list of secrets that have nothing to do with bad choices we made . . . and this second secret list is all about stuff that happened to us . . . Bad stuff – embarrassing stuff – degrading stuff . . . stuff that we wish never would have happened (but it did) . . . . . . and nobody knows about it Maybe you had a mom who got to drunk on a regular basis and said things that made you feel worthless . . . . . . – or a dad who went way beyond what he should have when he got angry and now the physical scars may be gone – but the emotional ones haven’t healed yet . . . or maybe it was a cousin or an uncle who abused you sexually . . . or a spouse who’s just talked down to you for years and years and made you feel less than nothing . . . . . .
Statistics say that it’s one out of 5 or more of us . . . (have stuff like that in our pasts) . . . that’s 20% people in our society who have experienced the pain of abuse in their pasts (in one form or another) . . . . . .
. . . . . . So picture that next time your in a restaurant that’s nearly one at every table . . . and most of the time . . . nobody knows about it – lots of us have those secrets – lots of us have that list of brutal stuff that’s happened to us . . . and we’re just holding it inside . . . and it hurts us . . . sometimes every day . . .
Then there’s one more group of secrets that often we don’t tell any body . . . (but this is a better list) . . . These are secrets of hope. This is that secret wish list we have in our lives that often gives us joy but we don’t talk about it very
often . . . . . . . (you maybe will recognize this list) . . . “I wish I could go back to school and become a teacher.” “I wish I could make a difference with underprivileged kids.” “I wish I could be married.” “I hope I’m a great parent.”
“I hope I’m an amazing grandparent.” “I’d love to travel the world” . . . . . .
See folks, lots of us have dreams and hopes and wishes that are good . . . and most of the time – they’re God dreams . . .
In fact, I believe that most of this secret hope list actually originates from God . . . because God is all about hope . . .
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
People dreams with hope attached to them – always come form God . . .
But what happens to often . . . is that we have these thoughts and dreams . . . and we can make this mental list of what we’d love to be or do or accomplish . . . but then we hide it . . . we just don’t act on it (or really believe it will take place) . . . . . . or even tell anybody about it because we think they’ll laugh . . . and what if I did tell someone about my dream and then don’t follow through with it . . . (or whatever). . . but lots of us have that list as well . . . and this is a great list of awesome secrets . . . but nobody knows about it . . .
So . . . whether its stuff that we’ve done . . . or whether it’s stuff that got done to us or even if it’s stuff that we hope for . . . (people), secrets are part of our lives . . .
Now while I was writing this, I got thinking . . . why do we do that ? I mean really . . . why do we hold onto our secrets . . . even when we know that they’re controlling us and that (they’re controlling our future), and further damaging our spirits . . . Why do secrets have such a negative hold on us? And then my immediate thought was this . . . . . . that there must be 1000 different reasons or answers to that question . . . (A different reason for every secret . . . )
(And I couldn’t figure it out) so I did what I often do when I can’t figure stuff out – I called my friend Glen Kerby . . . because he just wrote a book on this stuff . . . and I said why do secrets have such power over us? . . . And he said . . . there’s only one reasons – FEAR . . . he said . . .
Fear is what prevents us from dealing with our secrets.
In his book . . . The Power of Brokenness, Glen explains that . . . the reason we can’t unlock our past and it’s secrets . . . only has to do with fear – fear that comes to us in 3 ways . . .
- Fear of change
- Fear of the past &
- Fear of failing
And here’s how those fears play out about our secrets. . . . . . . We think . . .
“What if I open this ugly Pandora’s box that I’ve got in my life and then I can’t really change it”. . . . . . or what if . . . “I can’t do anything about it . . . or what if I can’t handle it” (meaning facing those issues) . . . and now somebody else would know about it . . . . . and all I will have done is just make it worse . . . or . . . and (this is the biggy)– what if I open up that box to the past and I can’t control what it’s gonna take to deal with it. What if that person won’t forgive me . . . or what if I can’t forgive that person . . . or what if my situation just gets worse by doing this . . . . . . I can’t do that! . . . . . . And the fear of opening that box to the past and the fear of failure and the fear of change just freezes us from acting . . . and so we don’t . . . because right now . . . at least we have some sort of a sense of control over the past . . . . . . (at least some of the time) . . . and so the secret that is slowly eating us up . . . remains hidden . . . because that (keeping it hidden) still seems like a better choice than opening up that wound again (and facing the fear that has kept us frozen for so long) . . . and so . . . . . . fear stops us from overcoming the things we should conquer in our lives . . .
Fear keeps us in an unhealthy spot . . .
So . . . when I found out about the fear part . . .
That it’s actually only fear that keeps us from dealing with our secrets and nothing else . . . well when I found out the problem was fear . . . then . . .
I asked the next question – How do we deal with our fear? . . . and then Glen said what he always says, . . . “Dean you need to take all those nice white upper middle class people (trying to be good Christians) . . . and get them to hang out with some alcoholics . . . (some recovering alcoholics)” . . . .
My friend Glen has been in addiction recovery for about 15 years . . . (and he’s doing so well . . .) and now he leads a church in Phoenix, Arizona . . . That is almost totally focused on 12 step recovery . . . Anyway, he said . . . get your people to our AA meeting . . . because . . . (and this was huge what he said next) in the 12 step program for AA and NA . . . step 4 is all about how to start dealing with our past and our secrets (start). . . . . . and step 5 is how to finish dealing with them. . . . . . And then he said, “Dean every recovering alcoholic knows that . . . ” and every recovering addict knows step 4 . . .
What step 4 is all about . . . is becoming fearless. Catch that – step 4 is the answer to our secret fear issues . . .
Step 4 says this
To make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and our lives . . .
So folks, . . .
If you’re at a place today where you think you could open up that box to your past . . . just a crack even . . . If you’re at a place today where you’re just tired of the grip that fear and secrets have over you . . . then think about stepping into
step 4 . . . (simply this) (a process of making a searching and fearless moral inventory) . . . just simply take a few hours and write down a long list of all the things you’ve done or had done to you that your holding on to . . . . . . .You can even start right now . . . we’ve given you a piece of paper (postcard) . . . if you know where that list starts – write your secrets down . . . . . . that’s step 4
. . . And remember . . . writing that list is only a start . . .and really all it dos is help us get a handle on what the things are that need to be dealt with . . . (hear this)
But I don’t want you to assume that this can all get done and figured out and dealt with today . . .that’s not what I’m suggesting . . . but today is a great day to start . . .
If you want to start that process Glen said there’s a couple questions you need to think about asking . . . to get it rolling . . .
2 Questions:
What areas of my life are controlled by fear?
What are those things in my life that I need to face without excuse? I tried out those 2 questions at Tim Horton’s one morning this week – (surprising responses.) Glen also said this . . . that step 4 might be the beginning of dealing with the fear of our secrets . . . but step 5 is al about really cleaning it up . . .step 5 is about confession and forgiveness . .
Step 5
We openly examine and confess our faults (to ourselves) – (to God) (and to someone we trust) . . . (Listen to the definition of what being forgiven means.)
Forgiven pardoned – to be excused for a fault or offense. To be completely and totally absolved of our sins . . . by God’s grace. Forgiveness happens on 2 levels one is human and the other is God.
Folks, I don’t know if there is any greater feeling in the world than being forgiven by God . . . . . . It is just amazing, the power that it gives us when we confess, . . . and God forgives. We’re able to walk more free and way less inhibited in life . . . if the weight of sin and wrong goes away from us . . .
And then being forgiven by another person, (another level) by someone we’ve wronged is almost as powerful . . .
There is an amazing freedom in being forgive of something we’ve held onto . . . or that’s had a hold on us in our lives it really is powerful.
But forgiving someone else . . . (in a very strange and mysterious way) is the greatest miracle of all . . . Saying - you are forgiven to someone else not only gives freedom to them (no question) but it also releases us . . . (the ones doing the forgiving) . . . it releases us from carrying the burden of bitterness and anger and hurt . . . which can be a very heavy load.
Folks, if you ever have a chance to forgive someone in your life – Jump at it – it’s incredible.
I’ve had the honor of being part of this in a lot of people’s lives – who happen to be going through step 4 & 5 . . . I’ve had the amazing privilege of listening to confessions and then offering the hope that forgiveness brings . . .
Step 4 & 5 are incredibly powerful and life changing – transformational
things God can do in our lives – no matter what kind of secret your holding. And these steps aren’t just for people with horrible pasts . . . (You know – “that kind of
people” . . . .) No . . . these steps are for all of us. (Alcoholic/Addict/Pastor) Every one of us has stuff that needs to be purged - from our lives and every one of us has dark stuff that needs to be brought into the light . . . Cause if it stays in the dark . . . . . . it never goes away. And the longer a secret stays a secret . . . the worse the damage it does . . .and the harder that scar is to heal.
Listen to some of God’s thoughts about step 4 & 5. Just listen to the
words.
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Do you hear the freedom? . . .
“Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.”
Fools mock at making amends for sin
I had somebody point that out to me early on in my life . . and the truth of it just never left me – sin and secrets are just better – when we make amends for them.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
One of the best promises to memorize from scripture . . .
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
Folks . . . our purpose here today (our hope) was pretty basic . . . all we wanted to do was pour enough courage into your life – For you to be able to take the next step you need to . . . to deal with your secrets . . .
And we wanted to give you a chance to respond to what God might be telling you . . .
Postcards . . . 3 responses . . . depending on where you’re at . . .
- Anonymous – Write out your secret – post it in the box at the back of just
put it in the offering plate as it comes by.
Step 1 – Acknowledging to yourself and to God you’ve got this think to deal with.
- Write out your pray request. We’ll pray . . .
Put these in the offering plate.
- Write out the step you know you need to make in order to heal and tell us
if we can help . . . (offering plate).
Postcards – time – 1 minute to think and write. |
