"Loneliness"

Country Songs
Allan Jackson – Monday Morning Church
Kris Kristopherson
Hank Williams

Let me tell you about Marci. Marci is a great gal. Full of life and lots of energy. She’s fit and sharp and has a whole bunch of things going for her. A great job, a great house, she’s got life all wrapped up or so it seems. They only trouble with Marci is that life has been really unfair lately. Her nearly perfect world came crashing down when the indescribable happened. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer and in just seven months, he was gone. He was Marci’s best friend and he was the love of her life. And so now she’s alone and she’s working through it. Most days its okay and she can see the road ahead, but then on some of these lonely nights all she does is cry and pray and wish and hope and she feels so very alone.

And then there’s Mike. Mike’s got his life totally together and he’s chasing the dream. He graduated first in his class and was voted most likely to succeed. He’s got a client list and a portfolio that’s all the envy of the whole business community. He’s got tons of confidence and an unbelievable work ethic, plus he can play any sport better than most. He just happens to like golf. His lifestyle is exactly what he dreamed it would be. The only trouble with Mike’s life is that its kinda shallow and he kinda knows it. Sometimes he knows that there’s just more to life than money. And sometimes he knows most of his relationships don’t have much depth and once in a whole he catches a glimpse of what 45 might be like and he doesn’t like it, so he keeps busy, and he doesn’t let himself be along too much. See, he knows his life is a little hollow, but his answer to that is work and a very full social life and a schedule that is overflowing all the time. So the challenge for Mike is that he has to redefine success and very soon he has to address the emptiness in his heart. See Mike’s lonely, only he just doesn’t recognize it yet – not yet. But every morning when he gets up he looks at himself in the mirror and if he lingers to long he knows there’s something missing.

And then there’s Richard. Richard just moved here from Southern Manitoba. He’s done his degree and he’s in a new place in his life, a new city, a new job and new start. But Richard isn’t very good at new things. He’s a quiet guy and doesn’t have a whole lot of confidence. He struggles with depression and right now Richard is feeling pretty displaced and alone and down and out. He doesn’t really know how to meet new people and it seems like nobody really wants to know him anyway. So he just plods on and goes to work and then goes home but inside he’s really hoping that life is going to get better than this. Because he knows he’ll never last as alone as he feels right now.

People, there aren’t a lot of things in life that I know for sure, but after spending as many years as I have working with people, I know this to be true; I know that everybody has to deal with being alone, being empty and lonely at some point in their lives – everybody.

Whether you’re like Marci and just had life cave in on you, or maybe you related more to Richard, and you just can’t seem to rise above the tides of depression that sweeps over you. Or maybe you connected better with Mike, you’re sharp and focused and successful, but you know that when you look yourself in the eyes, you’ve got an emptiness about your life.

Whoever you are, and this is for me to, we’ve got to address this subject head on in our lives. And today folks, I’ve got some good news. The good news is that God gets what it feels like to be alone and He understands how empty our souls can be sometimes, even when our lives are so full. He knows exactly what it feels like to be lonely. So, today I’m going to open up God’s work and I’m going to let Him address this very subject in our lives.

The first truth He gives us comes in the form of a reality check.

I. A Reality Check

Let me read some verses to you from scripture and these have always been the place I return to in Gods’ word (ever since I was a child). If I was feeling alone – or fuzzy on God’s place in my life I came to these verses King David wrote these thousands of years ago.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.     You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

People the truth is we are not alone and what becomes even more apparent as you read these verses is just how close and involved God really is in our lives.

Verse 1 says – “you have searched me and you know me” – You take time God to look into my life personally – (individually) and see what’s going on. Now take a moment to just think about that, the God of the universe takes the time and the effort to look into your life . . . Awesome. Did you know that the bible defines and describes God with these words, God is Love. Well in my mind the greatest expression of His love to us is exactly this thought, that the one who holds the universe together, the King of all Kings, the master of the universe. The Creator of all things cares about our little insignificant lives and it’s especially amazing to think about that when you add in the next part, that He cares about our lives even though we spend most of our time running away from Him and His plans for us (But that’s another talk for another day. . . ). Amazing Love. Then look at the detailed description David writes about how God is involved with us and how personal his knowledge of our individual lives really is. David says:

139:2-4 Write out (on screen ) God . . . . . .

“ You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. ”

He knows what our thoughts are before they exist in our minds and He knows our words before they come out of our mouths and He knows our life’s direction before we take one step He knows where we will go next before we do. Think about those words, because it can be pretty humbling, like He knew your thoughts as you walked in here, every thought like, “Boy she’s put on a little” – “man does that guy drive me nuts,” “those shoes don’t match her outfit ” Think about that Then this is my favourite part of this reality check.

139: 5 & 6 Write out (on screen)

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

David describes what is like a kind a spiritual buffer zone around our lives . God is behind me, covering my back, in front of me, shining light on the path ahead, and then He lays His hand on my head. What an awesome picture. The God of the universe all encompassing, all surrounding, reaching into your life and mine, to love and care and protect and adjust and the funny thing is – most of us don’t understand that – or we don’t think about it – or tap into that spiritual power all around us – Most of the time – whether things in our lives are going good or bad – whether we’re on top of our game or not we just don’t think about it we don’t have that God is very close by and wants to be intimately involved in our lives – picture in our minds. So today ,I just wanted a little reminder for us a reality check. See folks, the truth is , God is very near and much more involved in our lives and families and work and leisure and future planning than we realize and if we really got that, we would say the same thing as David said in verse 6. “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me – too lofty for me to attain.” That’s the first idea I want to grasp today as we approach the subject of loneliness. God is much nearer to us than we think. Here’s the second truth David talks to us about.

II. A God Sized Hole

L et’s read a few more phrases from Psalm 139 . These are sort of back to the future kinda verses they go way back to where God’s presence started in our lives.

139:13, 14a & 15-16 (NIV) David says, God…

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me      were written in your book before one of them came to be.

This is cool because it should take any doubt out of our mind about how much God wants to be individually involved with us and it gives great to our self-image. Folk, your self-esteem should go through the roof when you read these words. Your confidence should rise.

God (big G) created you, He knit you together, He formed you individually and uniquely. I love that line; fearfully and wonderfully made.

Folks, God never makes mistakes and when He formed you there were no errors in the process. Let me read that again and soak it up.

Read verse 13 –15 again (on screen) For you created my inmost being; you knit me together. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place .

And then this (verse 16b) “all the days ordained for me . . .were written in your book – before one of them came to be . . .”

Here’s the picture I want you to have. Before your were even thought of by your parents God was thinking about you. And before anyone knew your eye colour God knew it, and before anyone else knew you could throw a baseball or play piano or were good at math – God knew. And He knew before you were born that you were gonna become a great teacher or nurse or finance guy. And He knew who you would marry and what your kids would be like. In fact He knew the legacy you will leave behind you before you were ever born.

Verse 16 again

“ All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ”

Now here is a small problem. If that’s true that God has been involved with us from the very beginning of our lives and even before that and if it’s true He has an incredibly detailed plan for our lives. A destiny if you will Well then, what happens when we shut him out. What happens when we just don’t want to have anything to do with him and we say – I’m okay – I’ll do this on my own. I know that you know me best God, I know that you’re the one who created me but I’m gonna go my way – I know you’ve got a great plan for my life and my future but really so do I, and I’m gonna do my plan. I’m gonna do what I want God and I’m just gonna leave you out. Or maybe I’ll let you back in for a few days at Christmas or the odd Sunday.

So what happens when we do that with God, when we don’t walk with Him, well, what happens is we create a vacuum in our spirits, a hole in our

Soul. Now you say that sounds harsh Dean but think about it. God created us to be in relationship with Him. He formed us to walk with Him and created us to walk inside His plan and destiny for our lives and when we don’t do that, what happens is that it creates soul dissonance – and it creates space between us and God, a space that was never meant to be there. And that space creates a vacuum in our lives spiritually. And if you’ve got that hole in your soul, if you’ve got that vacuum, you’ll know what I mean. It’s a very empty place and I gotta be honest – lots of people that feel lonely – empty and alone in this world can trace that feeling right back to the day that they decided they wouldn’t follow God (for one reason or another they just decided they were gonna do it your way and not God’s . . . ) And folks, I gotta tell you the truth, if you’re feeling alone and empty and lonely today think about what I’m saying. Check your spirit with the truth of what I’m saying today. God desperately wants to shorten the distance between your spirit and His. He wants to walk beside you and love you and care for your every need. Why? Because that’s been His plan since the very beginning before He formed you He knew you and before you were born you had a place in His heart and before you took one step. He knew every step you will ever take.

And that folks is a really big deal. Everyone of us has a God shaped hole in our souls and no matter how hard we try to fill it with everything else this world has to offer, it doesn’t get filled without God. Our lives are not complete without him.

Let me give you one more truth that David gives to battle loneliness.

III. A Fearless Inventory - Psalm 139:23

Okay so with all that we’ve said so far as a backdrop. Let me show you how David ends, it kinda completes the sequence of thoughts on this subject of loneliness

Psalm 139:23 (NIV) Write out (on screen)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

What David is doing here is inviting God to help Him do a little inventory of his life. God with your help, I’d like to show you my heart and my emotions and my past and I’d like you to help me analyze my anxious thoughts. I was reading a bit this week on this whole subject of loneliness and one article I read this week said this; to conquer loneliness you have to do 2 things and when I read those 2 things and this verse together it just really started to make sense. Here’s the 2 actions that this article said were needed to conquer loneliness:

• Accept what cannot be changed
• Alter what can be changed

Let me talk about those for a minute.

1. Accept what cannot be changed

You know folks, lots that happens to us in life really sucks and what’s worse – lots of that stuff in life happens outside of our control. And some times the end result of bad stuff that happens to us in life that’s out of our control – is that is creates this alone – empty and very lonely vacuum inside us.

The death of a spouse, a failed marriage, having to relocate away from old friends, abuse, an illness, or any number of really hard things life can offer up can create within us a huge sense of emptiness and make us feel very alone.

Now, the step I’m suggesting is not quick or easy by any stretch of the imagination – and you must realize that before you hear this but to break the back of loneliness in our lives we must accept the things in our lives that cannot be changed and I’m suggesting that this acceptance will only come through a fearless personal inventory that we allow God to lead us through in our lives. I’m suggesting that we ask God to help us root up and uncover the stuff that stops us from moving forward in life and that we do whatever it takes to get to the root of some of the issues in our lives.

I’m suggesting find someone to talk to, join a small group, as a friend to help you sort through some stuff. Come to the church an say, hey, I’ve got this thing in my life and I’ve got to learn to accept that is part of my history, but I don’t want to face it alone anymore. And a further suggestion if you find yourself stalled in this process and unable to let go of some stuff and just accept that it’s part of your history. If you’re sitting there right now thinking, I’m not going back there, I’m not gonna try and fix that, I can’t face that thing and you can’t name it.

If that’s you and you can name that thing in your life that’s stopping you from moving forward and maybe its been stopping you for a while, well I’m going to give you the push I needed – maybe.

You may need some professional assistance walking through that thing. Its confession time, I’ve gone to a counsellor fairly consistently during the past couple years to get unstuck in some areas of life and I gotta be honest. I wouldn’t have gotten unstuck in my process of life without help I just wouldn’t have.

People, we’ve got to get rid of some of the stereotypes and fears of what everybody’s going to think about us and just admit there are something at certain points that get us stuck in life and go get help.

Whatever it takes – we must allow ourselves to be lead by God to get to a place where we are able to accept what cannot be changed. That is a major cure for loneliness and the emptiness that we can feel in life.

Now, there’s a second action to this spiritual inventory to heal

loneliness . . .

2. We must learn to alter what can be changed.

I’m running out of time, but let me tell you the truth about loneliness and emptiness. They can be overcome in our lives, they are conquerable with God’s help and with some action on our part. I don’t have time to tell you about those actions today, but if you’re interested in the Big End to this message our web page will have some concrete steps and action you could take to move your life to a place of greater clarity and health.

Here’s my point and David’s: A fearless personal inventory of our lives is hard work, and we need God to help us sort through our anxious thoughts. But if we want wholeness we’ve got to accept what can’t be changed and then alter what can be. That’s how I believe loneliness can be beaten.

Close 2 verses David’s life – listen to the paradox:

Psalm 143:3 & 4

“ The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. ”

“Praise be to the LORD my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.   He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. ”

That’s the picture, a paradox I want you to see. That there are times when life is overwhelming and when it feels like we are living in darkness and when our spirits are weak. But it is in the very same moments that God gives us the strength for the battle and trains us for victory. It’s in that moment of tension between despair and hope that God is the most alive in our lives.

Leave here with that thought: God is very near and his desire is to walk with you every step of your life.