Do you remember being in grade 3 or 4? Think back to that when I was that age at school we played some kind of team sports game every recess and every so often the teams would need to change and so 2 captains would be shoved to the front of all the kids and they’d start picking their team – one at a time. Remember that? Now, do you remember the feeling that came along with that? Didn’t you just want to be picked 1 st so bad? And if you didn’t get picked 1 st you just didn’t want to be picked last that was the worst but it happened to all of us – didn’t it?
That feeling of wanting to be part of a team and to belong, and the fear of not being chosen, that was all pretty real when we were kids and to be honest not much as changed. As adults that feeling is still pretty real, we all still want to belong and deep down all of us still fear not being chosen. We just deal with it differently.
Well today I want to talk about why belonging is much a big deal to us in life and how we can develop and grow it in this church and in our lives.
Today’s message has 2 parts, part 1 is theory (a bit heavy) part 2 is Practice. So work hard with we in part 1 (stick with me) because we’ll never get to the practice without knowledge.
Here we go. If I was gonna ask you to define what the church is supposed to be, (in one sentence,) what would you say? . . Or better yet, if I walked out on the street Monday morning and asked “Joe general public” to define what the church is suppose to be (in one sentence), what would (Joe say?) people say? Well I would imagine that there would be several responses to that question – some negative – some positive – some would say that the church is simply where religious people gather once a week – or it’s a place to worship God or it’s a place to seek spiritually or a place to pray. Or they might say that the church is a place with lots of programs for my family – or it’s a place to go to get married or buried. I bet there would be lots of different answers to that question (even in this room).
Here’s where I’m going with this, most of the sentences people would give for the definition of the church are absent of the two words that I believe God intended to be in a sentence that would best describe His church. And community and oneness are those 2 words.
I’ve done a bit of study over the years on what the church is supposed to be (actually I’ve spent a good chunk of my life trying to figure that out ) and I believe scripture (the bible) is quite clear on that definition ® The church is described there as:
A community of oneness a distinctive community that would serve as a model for the world (not only on how to live) but on how to relate to one another.
That’s what the church is supposed to be, an example of oneness to the world
See folks, since the very beginning of time God has been calling people (who follow Him) to be in community together – to not only be united with God individually – but to be united with one another as they follow Him ® that’s what God’s been up to since the very first day He and Adam had a conversation. And I thought it might be a good idea to remind ourselves of how that all took place – how it all got started.
So, let’s go back to the beginning – (we’re going back to school today) and I mean way back – to the very 1 st days of creation . . .
In Genesis chapter one in the bible it describes how God created the heavens and earth and the seas and the lands and the plants and the animals. (Quite a productive week I would say – probably the most efficient work week in history), and then it says that every night when God was finished making what He created each day during that 1 st week, every evening the bible says, God looked around at His work and said “It’s all good, this whole world thing is really taking shape I think it’s gonna be really nice”
I got thinking this week, can you imagine the day He created the sword fish and the giraffe and the baboon (crazy looking things) don’t you think He laughed a bit at the end of that day . . . (I think He look around that evening and said, “It’s all good – but I gotta drink less coffee tomorrow.”) Anyways – back to the point of our story, towards the end of that big week God created the first human being Adam and almost immediately He said wait a minute. This part of creation isn’t quite complete ® it’s not all good yet, I need to do a little more with this guy. It’s like God said, “this isn’t quite finished yet something is missing.”
Let me read Genesis 2:18 God looks at Adam and it’s interesting what He says “It is not good for man to be alone.” And so God got busy and created Eve to partner with Adam (to co-exist with him) and so they might complete (one another). ® And they would belong together, (for the rest of their days), you see ever since the very beginning of time . . . and I would argue that right in the very fabric of who we are as human beings. Part of our make up and design and DNA is this need to belong ® to be with other people – to be in relationships to be in community – “It is not good for man to be alone.” We were formed to belong to one another and not just as husband and wife but human to human. And if we could go back in the mind of God and to His intent for this world, and if we could see how He wanted history to unfold I believe it would be relatively simple His goal (for history) was that people would live in Community – that they would be one together (one with Him and one with each another) and I believe His goal was that history would tell story after story of belonging and togetherness and peace and unity and faith and of striving together instead of history telling stories of wars and divisions and anger and strife and separation and aloneness.
The way history has unfolded and the way we see the world interacting with each other and all the hatred and anger and killing that goes on every night on the news was never Gods’ plan for us. Hear that ® how we see the world living out history every day, seemingly spiraling out of control – was never God’s intent - this is not the path God chose for us to follow
Now, here’s the scoop - In the big picture of life (and especially life in the spiritual realm) there are 2 players – Good and Evil (God and Satan). And just so you know what we’re up against, just so we’re all aware of why it’s just so hard to live in unity and harmony and community and at peace with one another, (I mean isn’t it just so hard to keep our relationships clear and strong? . . .). Well, here’s why the enemy of our souls – the evil one only has one goal and that is to divide community and to break relationships. Catch this – even the name the evil one carries, speaks of his intent. In the Old Testament – he’s called Satan in the New Testament he’s called the Devil. Those names come from the same root word – which means – to divide, to throw apart, to separate.
So get this big picture. What God wants is community and unity and oneness and peace that’s one side of the coin and on the other side the very meaning of the evil one’s name, is the one who divides oneness the one who throws apart community, and the one who separates unity and who destroys relationships. Catch that cosmic picture of history What God unites – Satan will try to divide and what God gathers – Satan will try to scatter.
And for 1000’s of years that’s the way it’s been and in the center of that struggle, has been the church. A people called out by God to be a model of community and oneness and unity and wow – has the church ever messed that up in history over and over again. So often the church just hasn’t been what it was meant to be but community has always been the goal. In fact Jesus on the night before He was killed prayed in earnest that the church, the people of God would be unified. Listen to part of that prayer (listen and read carefully).
John 17:11 & 21 –23 He prays this right before He dies.
I will remain in the world no longer, but they (His followers) are still in the world. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—so that they may be one as we are one. That all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
We could take weeks just talking about what all Jesus meant here. This is rich stuff but let me just focus on just one aspect – Community. Listen to the quote I read this week that talks about Jesus words.
“The oneness Jesus was praying for here was not just unity it was oneness that reached deep into the very being of God and that finds it’s centre in relationship.”
Your see folks, if you really want to go back to school and if we really want to see what God intended for us individually and corporately it is to belong together in community and the picture, (or the model), (of that community of oneness and belonging), is the church and you know what? I’m not sure that the way we do church helps us see that picture clearly. Think about how we do church? We sit in rows in the dark looking at the back of other peoples heads and most of the time we watch and listen. Now, that’s all good but I’m not sure it’s a great way to picture community and oneness of relationship. Maybe a better picture would be like a family gathering together – sitting in a circle – or around a table – focusing on each other – and being together – that’s a good picture of the church. A family close enough to know each other – close enough to care and share and support and confide and forgive and be forgiven – (close enough to see smiles and to laugh and to hug) and close enough to watch over each other and to pray for each other. I mean – isn’t that the picture that best describes a bit of what Jesus was praying for. Just let your mind wonder a bit. What would that be like? Pretty awesome I would say, great church to be a part of.
I really hope that picture can stick in you minds for a while I know it’s a big dream but it’s worth pursuing.
So that’s Part 1 of this belonging message, (let me recap). We were created for oneness and to experience oneness that was God’s design for
us, but far to often in history and way to often in our own lives that has not been the case – unity and community and oneness of relationship is not what most of us have experienced. Lots of us have felt the darker side of community – where the enemy has divided our marriage relationships or separated our families or destroyed what community we may have had. And we have found ourselves alone and the wind is very cold when were alone and I gotta tell you alone and divided is exactly where the enemy would like us to stay. But that is just part 1.
That’s the background but now would you listen to Part 2? Because part 2 has some news in it and I believe part 2 maybe what God is calling us to. Part 2 and may be a way to defeat the enemy and to stop His scattering and dividing.
Part 2 is about developing a rhythm in our relational lives. And it’s the same rhythm Jesus had relationally and that rhythm is 1 and 3 and 12. Because I think how Jesus lived His life relationally can inform our lives – we can learn a lot from His life.
As Jesus lived His life on this earth. He had 100’s of contact with people relationally and like our lives, some of those relationships were very intense and in-depth – and others were simply chance meetings. Some relationships Jesus had lasted a long time and some were relatively short. But in the center of His life if you study it, there were 3 relational groupings that He put a significant amount of time and effort into, 1 – 3 – 12.
Lets start with 12. He spent over 3 years of His life with the 12 disciples, (12 close friends) and He in very intentional ways built into their lives relationally almost steady for those 3 years straight. They traveled together - camped out together – worked together - laughed together – cried together – prayed together – worshipped together – learned together – discussed issues together and followed God together. Jesus did life together with those 12 guys (24-7 for 3 years) and they knew (perhaps better than any group in history) they knew and understood community and oneness and so when Jesus prayed that prayer of unity the night before He died they were right there with Him. ® They got what it felt like to be in that kinda oneness and community they could see and feel the picture Jesus was praying for.
That’s the first part of the relational rhythm of Jesus life It was a huge investment over years in 12 – real people – with real names and real personalities - real times. Then within the 12 there was a group of 3 that Jesus connected with in a deeper way than the rest, (that’s the next grouping) - (3). If you study Jesus life you’ll see that Peter – James – John were relationally set apart in Jesus life and in a more intense way He invested with those 3 guys Those three had several experiences together with Jesus that the other 9 guys didn’t get to experience, and those 3 had certain specific discussions at deeper levels with Jesus than He had with the other nine. They spend more time eating and laughing and conversing and working with Jesus than the larger group of 12 and a few times the 12 didn’t quite get it. Why did Jesus need to spend more time with them - a bit of jealously. But here’s why Jesus needed 3 (because 12 is sometimes too many).
So when Jesus needed extra encouragement and support personally He choose this smaller group Peter – James – John to be that support. The greatest example of this smaller group and how vital it was to Jesus was on the night before He was arrested, (before He would be killed), and He was praying. (Picture it), the bible says His heart was in anguish and He had to be feeling the weight of what He knew would happen the next day and He must have felt so very alone.
So, what did Jesus do in that moment of weakness and insecurity and aloneness? He called Peter and James and John, (He didn’t call the 12), the 3 and they went and prayed. That’s the 2 nd part of the rhythm of Jesus life - relationally 12 and then 3.
And then there was 1. From that group of 3 there was one friend that Jesus had a very special relationship with. The bible describes Him as the disciple Jesus loved not that e didn’t’ love the 3 and the 12 but there was something special in the depth of friendship that they shared. In fact you might remember that on the day Jesus died John came with Jesus’ mother to the foot of the cross they came together to see Jesus and to somehow try to communicate and comfort Him in his suffering and the bible records that Jesus said good-bye to His mother and then He looked at John – and said, “friend take care of my mother – I’m dying - you’re closer to me than a brother – so be her son and take care of her, she’s now our mother.”
John 19:26-27
When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
Jesus had a unique relationship with John and it was deeper than with the 3 or the 12 . He invested even heavier time and energy with John than anyone else in His life and there was a connection in His life, and there was a connection that obviously went beyond that group of 3 or the 12. And so as you study and read and watch Jesus life that was the rhythm and flow to His relationships 1 – 3- 12 --- 12 – 3- 1. He intentionally developed those 3 groups and over time and as you watch He transitioned between them perfectly. The flow was seamless, between the 12 – the 3 – and the 1. And when He needed certain things He relationally flowed to which group could provide for that need.
So my point is pretty simple. If it’s true that we were created to belong and if the design of our lives is to be in community and in relationship together and if the church was meant to be the model and example for that and if it worked for Jesus why wouldn’t this 1 – 3 – 12 be a great goal for our relational lives?
So let me ask a few questions to get us thinking about the relationships in our lives and how we might adopt some of this stuff into our lives.
Do you have a group of 12 or so that you share life with and can you name them? A long-term community of friends?
Now, at Lakeview we talk a lot about small group’s and if you’ve ever been part of a small group that clicked for you relationally (you don’t have to be convinced of this). The reason we do small group’s here at Lakeview and the reason we invest time and money and energy as a church in small groups is that we believe a community of twelve is a hugely valuable asset to have in life and we believe that if we are gonna help people thwart the plan of the enemy in their lives – (the one who wants to destroy any good and any light in our lives . . .) we believe the best way to stop Him is by growing solid relationships within a faith community.
Folks there’s something here for us so if you’re in a small group now continue to invest in those people – it’s worth the effort. And if you’re not in a small group – consider making that kind of investment with your relational time and energy. Growing faith based relationships will clearly strengthen your spiritual life. And small groups are a great way to pursue that.
Then let’s talk about you and me and the 3. Out of that larger relational context of 12 in your life are there 3 or so people that you are connecting with in a deeper way? And if you were going through a very dark period of your life (like Jesus that night in the garden as He prayed) and you just needed 3 friends to stick with you, and stay up with you and pray with you and support you could you name them? And guys – I gotta be honest – I think women are better than us at this 3 relationship thing. We tend not to share our lives at a very deep level. We might get together with 3 other guys – but the conversation just usually doesn’t go beyond the Riders.
And again I want to tell you that in an even greater way developing this group of 3 will take more time and more effort than we may be willing to invest, but if you ever find yourself in a place of need that investment of time and energy (on the 3) will seem like a deal. Trust me on that - I’ve been there.
(I got thinking about that this week). Ever notice how our society is set up for groups of 4 – (next time you walk into a restaurant look and see how it’s set-up). Most of the tables are set-up for 4 (and that’s trouble for a family of 5 like ours – poor Kash – always on the end) but most times – most tables – most restaurants are set for 4.
Could be coincidence or it could be that we are designed for tables of
4 - (3 + 1) and not the table designed for us.
And then there is the 1 in our relational rhythm. Can you name that one?
This is a big deal, and it struck me more than ever this week. How important having at least 1 confidant kinda friend really is. My thoughts ran quickly to Jesus life (this week) and I tried to place myself in His shoes that if I was gonna die and I knew it (who would be the one to come and see me and who would bring my mom) and who would I be close enough to say, – “you’re closer than a brother – take care of my mom.”
Do you have someone like that is your life? Isn’t that huge?
Folks – these are really good questions to ask ourselves and normally I think as humans we tend not to ask these bigger questions. But I want to remind you of part 1 of this belonging talk because part 1 is why we must ask ourselves these questions. The bible says, that the enemy of our soul, “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” And his main purpose is to divide what God unites and to scatter what God gathers. To separate us from other people and to keep us alone – because when were alone were pretty easy to prey upon. When we’re alone – we’re an easy target. So – that’s it – pretty simple to understand but perhaps not very easy to put into practice.
Folks – it’s been my prayer and my hope for each of you this week and for us as a community, hear this, let’s build our defenses strong at Lakeview Church and lets chase bigger and deeper things in our lives relationally. Lets develop in community and let the rhythm of our relationships flow to this 12 – 3 – 1,
1 – 3 – 12, beat because I believe that – that beat is a huge part of what God wants for us (but not only that) it’s also a big part of what we were created for.
Folks, in order for us to be whole and complete - community must be expanded in our lives. Let’s work hard at this picture in the days ahead. |
