Folks - It is so good to be with you today. (What a week - Blast from the Past - who was here?) Funny week - very full but at the same time pretty thoughtful - because of this weekend's message . . .
See - I got thinking about my job this week I have one of the strangest jobs in the world - Great Boss - but I have a very unique job description - unique because . . . . . . I am supposed to lead you folks spiritually and speak to you on behalf of God . . . and if you think about that . . . the responsibility is a little staggering . . . Part of doing that job is to read what's going on within this spiritual community . . . listen to God and then teach/speak to the community about what I see and what God says . . . Tonight's message - comes from much listening to God and watching this community.
I need to tell you (I believe) that we are in grave danger spiritually - as a community and we need to address this subject of marriage today.
Now - here's the deal - with a subject like this - I can't include everybody - some of you are single and this may not apply until later if ever (tuck this away), some of you are divorced quite recently and this message may bring up some pain/questions - big deal for me - I'm sorry. Some of you have just come to church for the 1st time and this is already feeling a little heavy, . . . sorry. Depending on your situation timing and application might be off.
Pray.
This week God lead me to reread a message from Sept - because I think He was starting this whole message for tonight then - (interesting - similar content).
Tonight - want to speak from the challenging side of marriage - what happens when it gets tough and you know the honeymoon is over.
Tonight - I want you to know that there is a cosmic battle raging between good and evil and your marriage is right in the middle of it.
Tonight we're gonna talk about a strategy to fight for and defend your marriage. There are three parts to that strategy.
I Understanding the Battle
Way back in the book of Deuteronomy - (3 or 4 thousand years ago) God sent a message one day to the people of Israel (His chosen people of that day) (Jews).
Now . . . right before this message happens. He had given them the 10 commandments - (which are . . . rules to live by in a spiritual community) - God said, these are the things I value . . . 10 things . . . and then He said . . . If you value these things also - If you choose to walk on this path . . . then you can expect (God said) to be lead, as a people, into life and blessing, and heaven one day . . .
God clearly stated the direction He wanted the people to go in and He outlined the path, which would lead them (as a nation) to Himself. . .
And then God lays down the future of this plan . . . He says here's what to do with this bit of life changing information.
Listen to this. He says, (in Deuteronomy 6)
"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NIV)
I love the picture that God paints for the people here . . . one that would never be forgotten by the people of Israel . . . and it's a picture I'd like for us to visualize today as well (repeat verse) . . . see . . . God's clear plan of how the message of His love and grace and direction for our lives and future was to be passed on - God's way of passing His message to the world is through families. Let me say it clearly - the family unit is the means . . . it's the primary way by which God desires to pass on the truth about His love and hope and grace to our world and to future generations of the human race . . .
That's God's plan - that (married) parents (marriage was assumed in Jewish culture) would know God intimately and follow Him closely . . . . . . and then that these parents would teach and lead their children to know God intimately and to follow Him closely, and so on and so on and so on . . . family after family - generation after generation . . . community after community . . . nation after nation . . . that's God's plan for this world to see His light . . . through families . . .
And you know what? It's a pretty good plan - simple but effective and I think it works . . . The only trouble is - it's hard to defend spiritually. Here's what I mean.
The Bible clearly teaches that there are dark spiritual forces at work around this world, and that the enemy of our souls continuously fights against the light of God within us (that's just true!). . . So from the way I see it - all the enemy has to do is get one set of parents . . . . . . - all He has to do is get one marriage off God's track, and then another and another and another and keep those marriages and families off track for a generation, and pretty soon He's got a whole community walking away from God . . . And then a city, and then a province and then a whole country . . . and by doing so, the plan of God for this world is darkened with division and relational disconnection.
See, I think the plan of the enemy is pretty simple as well and its quite effective . . . I think his #1 priority, is to try and divide families . . . and you need to know that your marriage is under his attack everyday . . . spiritually . . . You may or may not feel it on a regular basis . . . but I will guarantee you that at some point . . . if you are walking towards God with your marriage and family . . . the evil one will try his best to divide that which God has brought together . . .
I guess I just wanted you to know the stakes . . . I wanted you to know how vital this whole marriage thing is - the stakes are incredibly high in this game . . . and the playing field is eternity - Good and evil are on opposing sides, and your marriage and your family must win the day and follow God or all will be lost . . .
It's just a really big deal (got that picture?)
Now hear this next part . . . Remember I said that part of my job was to try and hear from God and then tell you what I hear . . . to see the big picture within this community and then whether good or bad . . . try to communicate what I see . . . spiritually to you . . .
Well - here goes - I think during these days at Lakeview Church - during this season - the enemy is advancing against marriages more than ever before - I think we are in an all out attack spiritually as a community and the most heated battle front, (the place where the enemy is focusing his attention the most) is our marriages I believe the place where good and evil are clashing the most during these days among us is on the home front . . .
Now I don't say that to freak anybody out - that's not the point - and if your marriage is doing well - wonderful . . . celebrate that . . . all I know, is that there are dozens and dozens and dozens of marriages (just within our community) that are under significant pressure and to be honest - I think the devil is doing a tap-dance just thinking about the wreckage he is wanting to create in our homes . . . because he knows if he can pull a family apart . . . it will be very hard for that family to stay connected to God . . .
But folks hear this - there is another side to this message - and the other side is about good and it's about strength and it's about hope and grace and forgiveness and a marriage that's worth fighting for . . .
But before we go out to battle for our families . . . we have to know what the enemy is up to. Hear this . . . the enemy is all about thwarting God's plan of a husband and wife joined for a lifetime - and he doesn't want to see even one couple find fulfillment and joy and intimacy and romance and friendship - for a lifetime not even one.
(And he will never quit fighting to divide that which God as brought together) . . . I want this line to sink in (repeat)
But I think the reason this day has been set aside - the reason God is having me tell you this today is so that this truth can be spoken . . . the enemy doesn't need to win . . . and I need to tell you that you can defend your marriage and protect it from division . . . you can win big in your marriage (no matter where it's at . . . ) that's the truth.
And I think this season (of battle that we're in) will mark a turning point in this church . . . I think because of this season . . . . . that we will be a church in the future that develops and strengthens marriage and holds the value of marriage and family very high . . . We will be a church in the future that boldly teaches God's truth about love and marriage and oneness, and we will stand together as a community to defend that which God values and not allow what God has joined together to be separated . . .
That may be a picture of the future for us . . . and maybe there are some of you here today that would want to be part of a ministry to strengthen families (marriages in this church let God start stirring your heart on that - (If that's you - come and talk to me).
After you understand the enemy.
Now, second strategy to fight for your marriage is this.
II Hold the Line
Listen to what the apostle Paul said to a church he was part of . . .
"Therefore, my dear brothers (and sisters), stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." I Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)
I love how that verse ends . . . "Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord" . . .
Now folks, I want to be the 1st to tell you (that if you're married) the very best way you can help shine God's light on this earth, . . . is to have a strong marriage . . . the way to honor God the very most with your life, and the way you can get the most work done for God is this . . . by simply giving yourself fully to strengthening and developing your marriage over a lifetime because if your married . . . strengthening your marriage and family is what God has called you to do you don't even need to spend time looking for something else to do for God . . . until your marriage is strong and your family is growing spiritually . . . that's the work God has called you to do, and it is a huge responsibility and high calling . . . it is the centre piece for his strategy of saving the world!!
Got that - your marriage is not something that can take a back seat to anything - it must always be of the highest priority . . . because working on your marriage is working on something for God . . . and that is a really big deal . . .
Now - look at the wording at the beginning of that verse -
STAND FIRM - LET NOTHING MOVE YOU
I always attach that phrase to a certain part of my marriage vows.
For Better or For Worse (because), (If your marriage is in a tough season right now then these words will apply more to you than if things are going great . . .)
See because depending on where you're at (in the whole for better or for worse scenario)- sometimes just standing is gain. . . when things are very hard in a marriage relationship just holding the line is gain - just not giving up - not quitting, . . . is gain . . . now . . . in this verse the apostle Paul wasn't just talking about marriage (He's talking about our whole lives). . . but it sure applies to marriage . . . (In your marriage) stand firm - don't be moved - wait it out - be patient - hold on - tighten your grip - Don't even think about divorce . . . . . .
In fact if your thinking about a divorce right now - let me twist it for you . . . because to be honest . . . people in our culture think about divorce far to quickly . . . We have been lead to believe that divorce is the answer for hard times in a marriage - let me twist that thought.
If you think being married is hard work and a (long haul) then try splitting up - if you think maintaining 2 homes and shuffling kids back and forth and dividing money and stuff and trying to communicate clearly over the phone . . . is easy . . . think again - almost all the time, it's way harder to get divorced then to stay married . . . (Trust me on that - I've seen to much of the heartache on the other side).
I guess what I want to say is that there is huge merit in holding the line - staying the course - in not quitting. And I know it's hard and sometimes it take years . . . to see movement and change . . . and I know it isn't always fair . . . Stand firm - let nothing move you - give yourself fully to the work of marriage because your work for God in marriage is not in vain
Let me tell you something that I am learning just right now . . . in my life - our marriage. I'm learning that there are times in marriage (significant seasons) where one partner has to carry another . . . (this may sound crazy), but I've never thought about that to much until the past few months . . . you say - I knew that . . . well I didn't, I guess . . .
See - I've been in a strange place personally the past few months - a pretty needy place . . . and to be honest . . . I haven't been able to give a whole bunch into our marriage . . . in fact . . . my wife has been carrying the freight in the past 4 months . . . She's been holding me up - and doing the work for both of us . . . and she's been working hard . . . at holding the line . . . and guess what? That isn't fair . . . but it's real . . . and I am indeed in her debt . . . (I fear to think of where I would be without her) (Never pray for me without praying for her . . . )
My point is simple really - marriage is about give and take over a lifetime and sometimes the season where you're having to give and give and give is long and tiresome. . . and it isn't fair, but eventually there will come a season where you will need to take as well, . . . and a strong marriage allows for that . . . for both spouses . . .
What am I saying? - If you're in a season where you want to run - hold the line - stand firm - let nothing move you - don't quit. Analyze divorce - before your split . . . not after . . . hold the line - give yourself fully to the work of God which is your marriage . . . okay?
Here's the 3rd part of the marriage strategy.
III Advance - move forward
Just a few verses later, in I Corinthians 16:13, the Apostle Paul says this . . .
"Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong - do everything in love." I Corinthians 16:13 (NLT)
Now these are advancing words.
Now both these verses have a similar rhythm to them . . .
Stand firm - stay true - hold the line . . . but that's not as good as it gets . . . just holding the line . . . no . . . then He says move forward (advance). . . after you've weathered a storm make sure you create some forward movement. Paul says, "Be courageous - Be strong- do everything in love . . . "
See if your marriage is constantly in a place of simply weathering storm after storm . . . you can't survive . . . and it certainly isn't much fun . . . Plus . . . the erosion of our emotional lives will be significant . . . You must get your marriage past the point of just having while knuckles, from holding the line . . . for years . . . So let me apply the truth of Paul's forward movement words . . .
I really wanted to end this message with some kind of a plan for advancing - let me quickly mention 3 key ingredients that will help you successfully push back the enemy and advance your marriage forward . . . (Ready?) (This is the good news) (1st advance ingredient)
1. Genuine Commitment
Now - here I'm talking about a sense of lifetime commitment - it is a decision and an attitude. A decision during a good season (of your relationship) that says you will not entertain the idea of divorce and it's an attitude during a rough season that says I'll stick to my decision - with gritty determination.
- Genuine commitment to do the work (are you both in 100%) Sometimes marriages breakdown because you have not both decided to put your back into the work of marriage - it takes effort. Read books, go to seminars, find a mentor couple, and learn to communicate.
- Genuine commitment to not have an affair (to be faithful) This is big - talk about it and then do something. To be accountable for who you are meeting with and where your emotional tank is reading and to not take any small steps towards someone other than your spouse . . . Faithfulness is as much about accountability as it is about trying hard. Affair proof your marriage - don't assume.
- Genuine commitment to seek help (counselling/mentor couple) (If you are in trouble . . . ) Go sooner rather than later - it's a good (great thing) not a bad thing - helps clear the fog.
(2nd part of advancing forward is this one word)
2. Time
If you stand firm and weather the storm and begin with genuine commitment (both of you) to move forward . . . All you have to do is add time. Problems yield to effort over time.
- How do you learn to communicate? Go for coffee. Start small and add time.
- How do you learn romance? Get a babysitter, light a candle, shut the T.V. off - start small
- How do you learn how to love each other? Just start - fumble along in the right direction. Here's what I know to be true
- "Love must be given the opportunity to mature . . . " No one falls out of love in a day or two . . . it take months/years . . . and so it is with a deepening love - do the right thing over time - great gain.
(3rd part of advancing forward)
3. Spiritual Unity
Folks I'll end with this - if you want your marriage to go to a whole new level and to be stronger than it ever has been - become one spiritually - pray together - study scripture together - put effort into your lives spiritually together.
I know this - "There is no problem that cannot be solved by Jesus" Billy Graham
To the core of my being I believe that - if you are unified spiritually - there is nothing you can't over come . . .
"I can do (accomplish) all things through Christ who gives me strength" That is just true - especially in marriage.
Folks, if you want to advance your marriage forward against any and all the forces that will try and divide you . . . follow Jesus closely - walk daily with Jesus in your home . . . and keep Him as the highest of your priorities . . .
It is only Jesus that can take your marriage to another lever . . . and it is in Him alone that you will find fulfillment and intimacy and peace and laugher and grad an forgiveness and contentment together . . .
Marriage is a sacred gift . . . and extra ordinary gift from God . . . and it is in following Him where the greatest understanding and enjoyment of that gift lies . . .
Follow Jesus people His way is best. |
