This week I got the chance of a lifetime - and it didn't involve making lots of money, or some great life-risking adventure, or my wife or kids, it didn't even involve food......All I did was hang out with my dad - for a whole morning. We were fixing some fence walking in the rain and talking......Talking about selling the farm, our history on the farm, cattle, land, drought......talking about fixing fence.talking about life and getting older. Dad was pretty wistful this week - but he was also directive. My dad is always guiding and teaching and directing my life. Even Wednesday morning - I'm 35, he's 69 - he's still teaching - I'm still a student.
I realized a couple things this week......A father's job is pretty simple:
- To train up your children to live skillful and godly lives.
- That job is never done - until you die.
My dad and I have a great relationship - He's a mentor to me. That kind of relationship is rare - Lots of times that's not the way it is for men......I got thinking about that and the inevitable question came into my head......why?
Well - here's why......and here's what I believe. I believe in good and evil, and I believe in God and the devil......and I believe the enemy of our souls has a plan in mind within this world. A plan to expand evil and stop good......this plan isn't to topple governments or crash financial markets......It's to divide families......And in particular to divide fathers from mothers and to divide fathers and children. Did you know
that the word devil in the original language means "the one who divides."
His whole purpose is to divide relationships - that's what he does...... And if he can divide marriages and families, he effectively thwarts the plan of God for how wisdom and faith are to be passed from generation to generation.
So fathers, our role is absolutely vital in stopping this division. And how we do that is by pointing our kids to God - and to show our kids what God is like and to be an example to our kids of their heavenly Father.
Today I'd like to give you the beginnings of a formula to accomplish that great task!
A formula for fathers:
Let me start by reading some verses to you from Psalm 89. Listen for the common theme and thread that describes God.
v. 1&2 - I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself.
v.5 - The heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones.
v.8 - O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.
v.14 - Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.
If you ask someone who has followed God for many years - maybe you ask Lloyd Colborne or Gus Peters (both guys are around 80 years old) - If you ask them to describe God, my bet is that one of the first words out of their mouth will be the word faithful or a variant of it. Perhaps trustworthy is the way that they would describe who God has been to them......
Last week I talked about Moses and the conversation he and God had when God called him to lead the nation of Israel......Well, in that conversation, God introduces Himself to Moses in a very unique way......He says, "Moses, come over here - I'd like to talk to you.This is God -- I am the God of your father - the God of Abraham - the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." (Exodus 3) And Moses knew what He meant immediately - I am the faithful One - the unchanging God of your ancestors -- You can trust me.
We used to sing an old hymn at church when I was in college that spoke of God's faithfulness. "Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father - there is no shadow of turning with thee.Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not; as thou hast been - thou forever will be." Great is thy faithfulness..
I used to love listening to a couple thousand voices sing that song.more for the sound of it than the words - but the older I get and the longer I follow Jesus, the more the truth of those words rings true.
Our God is faithful - from generation to generation - From promise to promise. From blessing to blessing. From answered prayer to answered prayer......Psalm 136 -His love endures forever. Try reading this psalm - every stanza ends with "His love endures forever". It's like David was saying - I want you to get this.His love endures forever.
Now, if our job as fathers is to show our kids who God is by being an example of their heavenly Father, we'd better learn that word - faithfulness - and in your formula today I used the letters
TW - trustworthiness.
Proverbs 20:6-7 says this: "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him."
And there you see the challenge ahead of us as fathers. And like I said before, if there is one way the enemy will ply his trade - it is within families.and the one clear defense is a faithful father......Let me talk for a minute about what he might look like.
Faithful fathers are fathers who:
1. Show up consistently.
I heard a guy talking one time and I can't remember all that he said, but he did say one line I remembered - 75% of parenting is showing up. Just being there in body and in mind - fully engaged - physically, emotionally, mentally, verbally, spiritually -- that shows faithfulness......
There was a full page ad in U.S.A. Today a few years ago that simply said this.What it takes to be a dad:
- Read to your children.
- Keep your promises.
- Go for walks together.
- Let your children help with household projects.
- Spend time one-on-one with each child.
- Tell your children about your own childhood.
- Go to the zoo, museums, ball games as a family.
- Set a good example.
- Use good manners.
- Help your children with their homework.
- Show your children lots of warmth and affection.
- Set clear, consistent limits.
- Consider how your decisions will affect your children.
- Listen to your children.
- Know your children's friends.
- Take your children to work.
- Open a savings account for your children.
- Resolve conflict quickly.
- Take your children to a place of worship.
- Make a kite together.
- Fly a kite together.
Guys - just show up - consistently. That's what speaks of faithfulness.
2. Keep their word - consistently.
God is the ultimate keeper of promises and He calls us to do the same. Guys, just a tip here......if you ever want to see your kid catch what God is like, then make sure you show your kid that a father keeps his word. Sometimes I break promises to my kids easier than I do with anyone else - "Oh yeah, we'll do it later." Proverbs 13:12 - "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a promise fulfilled is a tree of life." Be faithful with your promises.
The third aspect of faithfulness:
3. Remain sexually pure - consistently .
Remember the book - Real Men Don't Eat Quiche? That book had some great one liners in it.
- Real men don't floss
- Real men don't buy flight insurance
- Real men don't play Frisbee
- Read men don't use postal codes
I'd like to add one more: real men don't have affairs......Real men don't commit adultery......
Listen to the wisdom of Proverbs -- Notice the words used to describe a man walking into adultery:
Proverbs 7:21-23: "With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life."
You know what? I'm tired of something and I need to get it off my chest. Do you know how tired I am of having people walk into my office with marriages coming apart -- with dysfunction all over the place......Relationally in huge trouble......And then I find out that they think the answer to their problems is sleeping with someone else......And then they minimize how little it will affect the kids. Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?
Yeah - I'll just fix all of my troubles and issues by having sex with someone else......I'm talking straight because most guys, when it comes to an affair, are unaware of where they're headed - like an ox to slaughter, like a deer to noose.
Folks......contrary to popular opinion, most guys aren't looking to commit adultery -- They're not that smart. They simply stumble into adultery - out of an emotional vacuum or a sexual vacuum or a verbal vacuum or a relational vacuum that is their marriage. And this stuff is real......and I don't want to minimize what some guys might be going through......but......going through a tough marriage season does not give us the right to abandon God's direction for our lives. That's not what faithfulness means. That's like saying "I've got cancer; so now I'll abandon my faith" - or "I've lost lots of money - I'm broke - so I'm not following God anymore."
People, our circumstances must not sway our faithfulness to God or our family.
A word here to those who are just dating......Sexual sin isn't just for those who are married.If you love each other and you're planning on getting married someday......don't abandon God's call for purity in your life. There are consequences for choices - much more than you realize.
But back to fathers - be faithful.Listen to these words of wisdom from Steve Farrar -- he says it better than I can:
"The lure of adultery is that another woman will truly meet your needs. The truth of adultery is that no other woman on the face of the earth, no matter how alluring, interesting, or beautiful, has the capacity to fully meet the needs of another human being. That's why adultery is the ultimate hoax. It promises what it cannot deliver. Real men protect themselves against adultery. Real men think seriously about the consequences of such an act. As they do, they ponder the facts, not the fantasies. They consider the long-range implications of having a fling. They count the cost. And that's why they don't do it - it just isn't worth it. If you don't believe that, ask someone who has done it. He will show you the broken shards of a shattered life.
He will show you the pain and disappointment that comes from making a series of wrong choices."
Guys, if you're in over your head, get out. Talk to a friend. Call me. Do whatever it takes. Don't step in the noose -
Don't be led to slaughter.
I better get going......
The second part to the formula - is the letter L - which stands for leadership. Leadership has several aspects to it - especially God's leadership in our lives......
The Bible says God is the One who leads us - He provides direction and guidance. He gives clear instructions to follow. He allows us to choose different options, but always calls us to a better place. He has the ability to show us a great future if we walk with Him.
Jeremiah 29:11: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Isaiah 30 describes God's leadership in our lives better than any other portion of Scripture. Isaiah 30:21 says, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" This to me describes God as a coach more than anything else......Again, as dads, our key role is to point our kids to God - by example.
Dads that are good leaders are good coaches. Good coaches have several aspects to them - I'll talk about 3:
1. Be Perceptive. Good coaches read the signs and are able to help a player with a weakness before it gets them into trouble - or they are able to see a strength and help the player hone it. But the key to good coaching is having that perceptive eye - good coaches just see stuff! Dads, we must be watching and looking into our kids' lives to see the strengths we need to develop and pick out the weaknesses that will lead to trouble. Key - the only way perception is sharpened is with time. Know your kids inside out - that's how a good coach sees the future.
2. Good coaches are active (not passive). Now that you have that perceptive eye, what will you do with it - act! Good coaches direct their kids gently - before they step. Here's the picture I have as a dad......I picture my kids walking along a path in the bush - near a river. The only trouble is - they're blind folded and they don't know what's coming ahead. But I have already walked the path so I point things out by whispering in their ear......this is the way - walk in it. I don't let them fall over a cliff before I react. I am not passive. I am an active coach. Try this way - try that way. Go right - go left......and I lay the path before them.
3. Good coaches teach by mentoring -- There is no doubt that the best coaches not only know the game, but model that game and life to the players they lead. But before we get into this too much, let me take a step back.
There is absolutely no way of coaching your kids to live skillful lives if you don't know how the game is played. Here's what I mean......Dads - you can't guess your way into being a great teacher, mentor, coach for your kids......You've got to hook into a source of knowledge and wisdom yourself......if you expect to raise them properly.
Now, this gets into the last part of our formula - the letter is
W and it stands for wisdom. To be the fathers we want to be, we've got to connect to a wisdom source......And there are thousands of them out there - people, books, seminars - they're all good. But I want to tell you the best wisdom source - for fathers......
A daily walking relationship with Jesus Christ.
Listen to Proverbs 9:9&10: "Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."
Guys, I need to tell you something straight. You cannot feed your family an excess of wisdom if you're starving yourself......
Your relationship with Jesus Christ has got to be an active, growing, learning, developing, passionate pursuit in your life - if you expect to be the kind of coach who mentors his children into a skillful and
wisdom-filled life.
Let me talk about the original idea God set up for families - for parents to pass godly wisdom on to their kids. The backdrop - the ten commandments.this is how to live.guidelines/directions - wisdom/coaching. Then comes Deuteronomy 6:6-9. "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." Parents - that's the whole plan of God on how faith is passed on...and that's why the enemy wants to divide us so much.
Here's what Jesus said......".everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." - Luke 6:40. And here's the picture I got......Mirror images - Parents, I want you to hear this today - The most effective way for our kids to learn to live skillful lives and to learn to follow the ways of God - is through us -- There can be simply no question where the responsibility lies - It's on our shoulders.
Look at the way Moses describes this plan of God to all the parents. He says, if you want to teach your children, don't open a school. Don't have boot camp. Don't drive it down their throats.
Don't simply drop them off at church. Just live a godly life in front of them. Look at the wording in Deuteronomy 6:7-9: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." But then comes the prerequisite. Deuteronomy 6:6 - "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts." These commandments are to be in our hearts first - as parents.
Mr. Appleby - Grade 11 - Social Studies always had a line for us --
and I think it's appropriate. What's down in the well comes up in the bucket. What we live out in front of our kids will be how they view what a relationship with God is to be like......A mirror image. That's the way God has set the whole thing up. Your kids' faith will look like yours......just live it in front of them every day - authentically - for the rest of your life.
A couple suggestions here:
- Be a student of God's Word. That's where wisdom comes from! Dads, I believe many of us are starving ourselves when it comes to our intake of God's Word......We're just not very disciplined......and we've got to be. The lives of our kids are at stake - and only the father who knows the Word of God will be able to feed his children wisdom and protection and love and faith on the diet that they need to grow up to be godly men and women......children who live skillful and wise lives - Dads, be diligent. Be a student. Feed yourself so you can nourish your kids!
- Pray with your family. Remember what I said about showing up? Well here's a suggestion. Get caught praying on your own - by your kids. Get caught praying with your wife by your kids. And dads, pray with your kids as often as you can. It will show them in a humble way where wisdom and answers and peace and life comes from - from a heavenly father who connects with us every chance He can.
Dads -- I believe that your role in life is one of the hardest there is......mostly because life is full of distractions......Work - relationships - money - work - golf......Guess what? These are not your life. Being a father is - being a husband is - being a man of God is - Those are the priorities to chase - all the others are simply distractions the enemy uses to keep your eye off your home. Apply this formula to put an end to all the dividing!
Close - let me pray for you for wisdom; for protection; for faithfulness; for leadership. |
