I'm gonna loop these next 6 steps into groups of two.
Step #4 and 5 are the housecleaning steps. They are all about coming clean. They're about letting go of guilt and gaining a clear conscience.Folks here's the truth..If you take this step with me tonight/today, you'll feel a whole lot better a week from today.....
The original 12 Step Manual says this about step #4 and #5 - "Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves....and then admit to God - to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs...." Wow - buckle up folks - this is big stuff....
So why is this part of the recovery process?...Because guilt keeps us stuck in the past....Guilt keeps us from growing in our relationship with God - from becoming all God wants us to become....
If you're going to learn how to really live life and enjoy it...You've got to learn how to let go of guilt. See, the truth is - (like we said last week) - none of us is faultless. We all have sins. We've all made mistakes....So we all have regrets. We all have remorse and we all have things we wish we could do over...
Many years ago Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, writer of the Sherlock Holmes novels, was quite a prankster and one day he played a prank on 5 of the most prominent men in England. He sent an anonymous note to these 5 prominent men and it simply said this, "All is found out, flee at once." Within 24 hours all five men had left the country.
Guilt robs you of your confidence. Guilt has the ability to destroy your relationships and it has the ability to keep us stuck in the past.... I read a report the other day that said psychiatrists say that probably 70% of the people in the hospital could leave today if they knew how to resolve their guilt. When I swallow my guilt my stomach keeps score and if I don't talk it out to God and to others I take it out on myself. This is a very important step. It's a scary step. This is the one that separates the men from the boys. This is the one that separates those who want to talk about recovery and those who really mean business saying "I'm going to get on with my life. I want to get well. I want to grow. I want to let go of the past. I want to be able to close it. I want to bury the past."
So how do you take this step? Step #4 says make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Here's what God's Word says...
Psalm 139:23 & 24 - "Search me O God, and know my heart..Test my thoughts; point out anything You find in me that offends you.."
Lamentations 3:40 says..."Let us examine our ways and test them..."
God says that searching ourselves inside for faults is a key step to wholeness...So people, take a pen and paper and write some words on it - even now - Lots of you will know what things need to be made right in your life. Begin making your list..then this week - check it twice. Take some quiet time (me - nearly every morning).
That's Step #4.
Then comes Step #5 and it tells us what to do with this list..."Admit to ourselves - to God, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"....I tell you folks, nothing feels as good as getting rid of the dead weight we carry around.
Listen to some of God's promises....
1 John 1:9..."If we freely admit that we have sinned - we find God utterly reliable..He forgives our sin and makes us thoroughly clean from all that is evil...."
God says in Isaiah 1:18 - "No matter how deep the stain of your sin is...I can take it out and make it clean as freshly fallen snow..."
Then listen to this verse...
James 5:16 - "Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed"... How do we get healed and whole? - By admitting our faults to one another....
God says it is absolutely essential for your recovery. But why do I need to drag another person into this? Why can't I just admit it to God? Why don't I just pray about it, make a list, talk to God about it? Why do I need to tell one other person? Because the root of our problem is relational. We lie to each other. We deceive each other. We're dishonest with each other. We wear masks. We pretend we have it together, but we don't.
We deny our true feelings, and we play games and that isolates us from each other and prevents intimacy. We end up living with shame and it makes us insecure. If they really knew the truth about me, they wouldn't love me. They'd reject me.
And so we get sick. See...I am only as sick as my secrets. The secrets I hold onto are the secrets that make me sick. God says revealing your feelings is the beginning of healing. If we don't do that, the more we hide it, the bigger it gets, we exaggerate it internally....But the amazing thing is, when you risk honesty with one person, all of a sudden, this feeling of freedom comes into your life. You realize that everybody has problems and often they have the same ones you do. Just admit it to one other person. Everybody needs one.
You don't need more than one, but you need at least one person in life you can be totally honest with. Why? There is something therapeutic about it. It's God's way of freeing us.
Do I just go out and broadcast my sins to everybody? No. Telling the wrong person could be big trouble. You don't just go out and indiscriminately tell your problems...No....
Who do you tell?
1. Somebody you trust. Somebody who can keep a confidence and who is not a gossip.
2. Somebody who understands the value of what you're doing.
3. Somebody who is mature enough that they are not going to be shocked.
4. Somebody who knows the Lord well enough that they can reflect His forgiveness to you. That may be a lay pastor, a close trusted friend, a Christian counselor. Most genuine Christians I know would be honored to listen to your fourth step. (Pastor Dennis Camplin)
You don't have to tell everybody, just somebody. And all of a sudden the secret that's been making you sick, stops making you sick, because you start sharing it. The secret you want to conceal the most, is the one you need to reveal the most because that's the one that will heal you, so you can experience God's grace.
Folks, if you want to get whole...if you want recovery in your life...then those 2 steps are critical - absolutely critical. They are actions we must initiate to get healthy and stay on the right path (Pastor Dennis C. - 5th Step). They are also steps God honors...In a few moments - forgiveness will become reality for us...
Here's a couple more action steps - # 6 and 7 say "Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and ask Him to remove my character defects...."
These steps are all about making changes...and not small ones either..These steps are about asking God to not just change our past....but to change who we are and how we act and live....so we can live differently in the future....
These are transformation steps...Romans 12:1&2 says this...."Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to His service and pleasing to Him...and let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind..." People, I need to tell you the truth...God is in the business of transformation....He desires to help us become what we were and are intended to become. He has an incredible plan for our lives - a destiny - that only He can bring about....
See..again - these steps build on one another...So if step 4 and 5 are about coming clean from our sins and naming what they are...Then step 6 and 7 are all about entering into the process of allowing God to change that character flaw...that defect within us that causes us to do what we did and live the way we are inclined to live....
Step 6 and 7 are all about surrendering again to God - what I cannot change on my own. These are submission steps - steps that say "God - I've opened my life up to you a lot lately and asked you to clean up my past wrongs..But God I need You to change me - inside - so that I don't think and act and live the way I am inclined to....God I want You to change me...and to continue to change me to be the person you want me to be..."
Here's 3 quick thoughts on how to implement steps 6 and 7 into your life...
1. Focus on changing one defect at a time.
Prov. 17:24 "An intelligent person aims at wise action but a fool starts off in many directions." Some of you come to Recovery Series and think, "This is great; I've got 30 things I want to change." Don't do it. You'll get overwhelmed. You'll get discouraged. And you won't change anything. You must be specific.
What I would suggest you do is you pray to God and say, "God, which specific defect would You like to work on first in my life? Not what I'd like to, but You." You don't just pray, "God, I'd like to be a better person." That in itself can be denial. You've got to be specific. You've got to be very specific. "God, this is what I want to work on, my anger, my anxiety, my tendency to control people, my workaholism, or being dishonest..." Go back and get your moral inventory that you made in Step 4. Go down that list and say God which of these is damaging my life the most. Let Him start working on that. You must work on one defect at a time. Otherwise it doesn't work.
2. Focus on victory one day at a time.
Matt. 6:11 "Give us this month our daily bread." No, it says "Give us this day our daily bread." Why? Because God wants to give you enough strength to change for one day, not for one week, one month, the rest of your life, eternity. He wants to take it one day at a time so you trust in Him. That's like the old saying, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." You take a lifetime problem (you didn't get it overnight -- that hurt, hang-up, habit) and you break it down into bite size pieces and you work on it one day at a time and you get God's strength one day at a time. And you pray when you get up in the morning, "Lord, just for this day, I want to be patient; just for today, I want to think pure thoughts, instead of lust; just for today, I don't want to lose my temper; just for today, I want to be positive instead of negative." You ask God to help you for one, or better yet, for the next 3 hours, help me to think good thoughts, help me to not be afraid. And take it a little bit at a time. Ask Him one day at a time. One day at a time. Bite size pieces.
Matt. 6:34 "Don't worry about tomorrow, each day has enough troubles of its own." Don't worry about tomorrow. Just today. Rome wasn't built in a day, character wasn't built in a day. Character defects aren't removed in a day.
We want instant everything. Mashed potatoes, coffee, microwave popcorn. We want instant maturity, spiritual maturity. One day I'm a total mess, the next I'm Billy Graham. It doesn't happen that way. You must grow by inches. You must grow by days. One day at a time. Don't set a deadline for yourself, "I'm going to lick this thing by this deadline." No, just work on it one day at a time. You'll work this step and all of the other steps in the Recovery series, for the rest of your life. At night you stop and thank God for whatever change or victory, no matter how small, "Thank You that You gave me help today."
Any victory, no matter now minor, you thank God for it, and take one defect at a time, and you get victory one day at a time.
3. Focus on doing good not feeling good.
Gal. 5:16 "If you're guided by the Spirit you will be in no danger of yielding to self indulgence." If you do the right thing, your feelings will eventually catch up with you. If you wait until you feel like changing, you'll never change. The devil will make sure you'll never feel like it. It's always easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action. If I don't feel loving toward my wife, start acting loving and the feelings will come. If you wait until you feel like it, it will be a long time. So you say, "I don't feel like it." Do the right thing, don't worry about feeling the right thing. AA uses the phrase "Fake it until you make it". Do the right thing even though you don't feel like doing it, because you know it's the right thing to do and you do it anyway. Eventually your feelings catch up. Anytime you start trying to change a major part of your life, a major character defect, flaw, personality weakness, anytime you start trying to make a major change, it's not going to feel real good at the start.
In fact, it will feel very awkward. In fact, it will feel bad, for a while. Why? Because it won't feel normal. You're so used to feeling abnormal, normal doesn't feel normal.
So you won't feel real good when you start making the changes. If you're a workaholic and you say, "I'm going to let God work on this workaholism" and tomorrow at 5:00 you decide to go home when the buzzer rings and you don't take work home in a briefcase, the first time you go home you'll say, "This feels really weird." If you're a workaholic, the first time you try to relax you'll find you don't even know how to relax because you've worked so hard, for so long. If you overeat, or drink or smoke, the first time you try to break that habit you'll feel weird, "Nothing's in my mouth." It'll feel funny for a little while and it may not feel right. But if you do the right thing, over and over and over eventually your feelings catch up with your behavior and you cannot control your feelings, but you can control your muscles. So you do the right thing whether you feel like it or not and the feelings will catch up with you.
People, realize that God wants to change you from the inside out...Steps 6 and 7 are about submitting every day to that process of change - Every day for the rest of your life. (Ex. Elizabeth, Lee, Dennis)
[James Gibson - Part #1]
Here's our last pair of steps....#8 and 9..."Make a list of all the people we've harmed and become willing to make amends to them all and then make direct amends to such people whenever possible - except when to do so would injure them or others."
Wow...can you handle one more hit today?
This is part of this process - that we've just asked God to lead us through and change us into and one of the first things to come up is people...God wants us to begin repairing relationships....
Now as soon as I said that...lots of you got a name and a picture in your head. We know who we've hurt...and we know which of our relationships are broken.
A mom or dad, a brother or sister, a business partner. An ex..We all have relationships from our past where brokenness is the only word to describe that relationship....
Seeing those faces and making that list isn't the tough part - we've all got the list. The tough part is this ...."become willing to make amends to them all.."Proverbs puts this feeling in stronger terms.."Fools mock at making amends for sin.."
There is a becoming willing stage that precedes the list....and it precedes the courage we need to get things right with these people. People...this willingness is a work of God's power in our lives. You can't do it any other way..because when you forgive or ask for forgiveness you are being selfless and humble and humility and selflessness are gifts that only God can bring to our lives...
Jesus put it like this...Matthew 5:23&24..:"So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." Jesus said in clear and concise terms to set these matters as a high priority..
But why? Why does it matter?
Because unresolved relationships are the root of your problem and they prevent recovery from happening. So you have to take the second half of the step, make amends to people you've hurt as well as releasing the people who've hurt you. Why?
Heb 12 says "Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble hurting many in their spiritual lives." He's saying here, the reason you can't get over that habit, that hang-up, let go of that hurt is because you're holding on to some unresolved relationships. And those must be dealt with if you're really going to get on with your recovery and become the person God wants you to be and enjoy the kind of happiness He meant for you to have in the first place.
HOW?
How do I make amends to the people who've hurt me?
1. You make a list of those you've harmed and what you did.
You say, I can't think of anybody. I figured you'd say that. So I put a few starters down here. Is there anyone I owe a debt to that I haven't repaid? Is there anyone I've broken a promise to? Is there anyone I'm guilty of over-controlling? A spouse? A kid? A brother? An employee? Friend? Is there anyone I'm overly possessive of? Is there anyone I'm hypercritical of? Have I been verbally abusive to anybody? Or physically abusive? Or emotionally abusive? Is there anyone I have not appreciated or not paid attention to or forgotten an anniversary? Is there anyone I've been unfaithful to? Or have I lied to anyone? Is this enough to get you started or do I need to go on? You make a list of those I've harmed and what I did.
2. Think how you'd like someone to make amends to you and then make amends.
Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you'd have them do to you." So you stop and think, "If someone were going to come and apologize to me how would I want it done?" And you'd do it that way. There are three issues you need to look at:
1. Time. Ecc. 8:6 "There's a right time and right way to do everything." You don't just drop a bomb on somebody. You don't just do it when they're rushing out the door or lay their head down on the pillow, "By the way I've got some stuff to deal with." You do it according to their time not when it's best for you but when it's best for them.
2. Attitude. Right attitude. Eph 4:15 "Speak the truth in a spirit of love." How would you like somebody to apologize to you? Privately with humility, with sincerity, to simply say what they did was wrong.
To not make any justification for it, no excuses, not talk about what their part was, just assume responsibility. They may have had a part in the problem, but you're just trying to clear up your side of the ledger in this step. You don't try to justify your actions and you focus only on your part and don't expect anything back from the person you're trying to make amends to.
3. Make restitution where possible. If you've borrowed something and not returned it, you return it.
If you owe somebody some money, you pay it back. Do the right thing (where it's possible.sometimes your not gonna be able to..)
There is a guy named Zaccheus in the Bible. He was a tax collector and in those days whatever you could charge people, you would pay Rome what they asked for and then you could keep over and above anything else you got. So they would rip off everybody and they were the most hated people in society and Jesus chose to go to his house. Zaccheus' life was changed when he met Christ. He said, "Lord, I'm going to go back and restore fourfold everything I've cheated anybody of." Jesus looked at him and said, "Salvation has come to this guy." This guy means business. He's a real Christian. He's willing to put his money where his mouth is. He made restitution wherever it was necessary.
Note: The more serious your offence, the less likely you're going to be able to make restitution. There are some things you can't restore that you've taken away from other people. But don't underestimate the power of a sincere apology. What you do is you go to that person at the right time, with the right attitude and say, "I'm sorry, I was wrong.
I don't deserve your forgiveness, but is there any way I can make amends to you?" And you leave it at that.
Romans 12:18..."If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone...." Watch this - James Gibson Part 2
Amazing what God can do with a humble heart.
Those are the action steps - steps that require action from us - for God to change us and others.
Now - I believe we have a very practical God...A God who moves powerfully in our lives when we are open to Him.
Today - 3 things:
- Make a list and admit it to God, ourselves, and someone else.
- Ask God to change our character defects - from bad to good.
- Get things right with other people.
Today we're gonna take communion together - The Lord's Supper - A time where we remember what Christ has done for us - by His death on the cross we have forgiveness.
Our sins are gone forever - washed clean. Again, Isaiah 1:18 says..."No matter how deep the stain of your sin is...I can take it out and make it clean as freshly fallen snow..."
This is also a time when God meets with us - This is a means of grace - when you open your heart up to God. He in these moments enters in...Amazing. |
